martika's Blog

Sorry for not getting in touch with people recently....

What's been going on?

Well.....

Been rougher over this pregnancy than before.....and, of course, my young girls are at that stage were they're all over stuff.....hard to keep up with them....and tires me the fuck out!!

I have been vomiting more this time, and drinking water a little less....I mean, I am trying....but just finding it hard this time!!

Luckily Miya, my eldest, has been there for her mum....bless her...

So.....that's that....

Work has been great but tiring too....again, as before, it's amazing how many punters just want to bang me now I'm pregnant!!!

My relationship with Mark is , mostly, great; back together....spending time together....laughing....joking....talking....hugging....and fucking...

Mostly? Yes.....

Emma rocked up a few weeks ago and told me that she was pregnant too.....and she believes the father was.......Mark!!

She had stopped the gang-bangs and, according to her, the only guy she fucked bareback was my Mark......

So......more stress for Mark...

Still, he states that he wants to stay with me....

But it does worry me.....and tires me out.....

So that's me....

Martika xx

What's been happening recently for lil 'ol Martika here?

Well, I have kept on to a secret for a few weeks.....one of those amazing things that you can't really get your head around....one of those that MUST BE that you're dreaming....

I was pregnant!

That was the first big shock. Fuck, saying those words in this blog just blows me away....still hard to believe.....still hard to accept....

Don't get me wrong;although the plan was just 3 children no more I'm not the type of girl to think - heaven forbid! - about abortions of any of that shit! No way! A life is sacred!!! But, the shock of being 'knocked up' is major....

One of my EP friends said yesterday that it was only a matter of time '...before a slag like you gets knocked up...' again, what with bareback sex, although on the pill, with my husband and my punters on the street....

First time also that the father COULD be my husband!!!

So....it took a little time to sink in before I made it public...

It kinda coincided with Mark coming back to me....although I didn't tell him at that time....I waited until the time was right to throw that one out there!

He's loving the new/old me; the chick that's a hot MILF rather than the 24/7 streetwalker chic that I usually wear and present myself as. Truth be known it's certainly a time saver when taking Miya to school in the mornings....and I am slowly liking it....

I don't usually do subtle....only in my paintings....so it's something that I am learning about...

So.....I'm about 9 weeks gone now.....had sickness and stuff around when we were fighting....thought it was mum's cooking (?!), and turned to throwing up a bit....still doing a little of that, but not much.....

Candy, I am pleased to say, is doing much, much better. The bitch certainly isn't like April but she's getting a sleazy/slutty attitude and looks the business when she's trawling for punters on the streets.....

Still gotta keep her in line though....show her who the boss is...

April? Ah.....my dear, sweet April; loving the life and totally enjoying her sister being a part of it....

The other week was Amber's birthday.....the first time I had spent in a room with Emma, my hubbie's ex lover and was my best friend.....we got on alright...no fights...we speak together on the streets but don't act like we used to....

Pity....

Still, Amber had a lovely time.....although for a fitness freak like her, having a cake and champagne party like we did....well....she felt the sugar rush sickness for a couple of days...

Funny!!

Amber and Jenny, her partner, have spent the week in Portugal - weather hitting the 20's, by all accounts, and just chilling out and relaxing. About time too!!

The kids are great.....although I am pregnant, so with added 'bump' coming, I have cut back on my coke useage and my cigarettes....and from all the working out with "Insanity" that I have done last year I feel much more healthier and active....

That is good!!!!

So.....enjoying the sunshine and the gardens here; luckily my kids are much preferring the outdoors, don't sulk and don't want to play on computers or tablets or any of that shit; Mark and I don't agree with that stuff.....kids should be out and about running around, playing and learning....

Thankfully they think more of dolls or footballs (soccer to you Americans!) than techknowledgy.... and that's how we hope to keep it!

The sun is out and that's their playing field....

Work is going great!!! Lots of punters and lots of nice seamen going into that already knocked up cunt of mine!!! Making lots of money and getting off at the same time? What's not to love? Lol!!

So.....happy times!!!

;-)

Martika xx

Mark got up early to get ready for work, he looked over to me, noticed I was still awake, smiled and said "Hi baby.."

I smiled back, throat dry but managed to squeak out a "Hi" back...

I lay in bed smiling to myself; the kids were still asleep and me and my man had a nice time last night...

I heard feet creep upstairs....armed with a coffee, Mark handed it over to me and whispered "Hey, Martika babe, c'mon downstairs...."

I got up, took a few sips of coffee, threw on my robe and slippers and as he led me by the hand, down the stairs to the back bay window.....Mark pulls back the blinds in a 'Ta Daaaaa' kinda way and reveals......

It's been snowing!

Wow! Looks romantic!

He has his arm around, as I do him, me whilst sipping my coffee and him eating his toast, whilst staring out the window.......

Lost in space....just feeling so damn happy.....

Mark then left to get his stuff together - shower and things -

I had a cigarette and just relaxed....

We kissed on the doorstep and I waved him off to work....nobody else was out....bwwwwrrrrhhhhh! Cold out.....

I called down April who helped with Jasmin and Sue whilst I got Miya ready for school. We chatted...we talked silly stuff, me and Miya, and she was ready....

I got April to get up Candy and to get her breakfast sorted - vodka and toast - and I took Miya to school....In normal clothes again! Still feel strange about that....

When I got back home and sat around the table talking to April on how bitch got on. April thought that she did ok, on her first night as a prostitute, but she was a big tearful....

"Candy, luv, I own you. You do what the fuck I want, ok? Act like a bitch and I will kick the fuck out of you! As April, I have beaten the shit outta her over the time..."

April nods "But I deserved it, Boo, did't I? I wasn't respecting you, and that's wrong..."

"So.....?"

"So I got my ribs broken and my face punched. Candy, you listen to your owner, girl. You do whatever she says. It's important. You disrespect her you're disrespecting me as well...Girl, this is your new life now. Get over it, get used to it!"

Candy gulped.

I asked her, politely, to take a few hits of coke....to which she dutifully does. April smiles as Candy does a few lines.....

April and I do a few lines ourselves....

The rest of the day is involved in sorting stuff out in the house...domestic stuff...

In the evening I await for Mark to come home, all dressed casual like in jeans and a top, and we have a meal together.....talking about his day and our day; nothing really exciting here, although Miya's school were umming and arring over whether they would stay open or not...the crazy thing about the UK, a bit of snow and the whole infrastructure falls to pieces...

So....after some time relaxing it's time to get ready for work; April sorts out Candy in one of the en suite bathrooms whilst I do in another.....

I relax.....feel better looking like this; a cheap slag....leather micro mini, fishnets, over knee boots, top....and jewellery? Oh god, I miss all of that shit! Naturally I put my makeup on heavily and, looking in the mirror to admire myself as I finish off my cigarette, I smile.....this is the real me....this is me at my happiest.....

The slut - Candy join me in their finery, eager to please me with her slut looks...I nod in confirmation that she did good.....

As Candy take care of the kids, Mark and I fulfill my....ahem....usual routine; him fucking me hard, bent over the furniture, and cuming inside me....feeling his spunk run down my legs....as I get our coats, get the bitch to do more lines of coke, before heading out for our night hooking....

Obviously I kiss Mark passionately on the doorstep and we head off, April already out early - I always make her go early....

I offer a cigarette to Candy, lighting her up. She smokes now like a natural and tells me that she will do her best tonight.

Good....

April is getting out of a car as we get to our spot, she hurriedly comes over to kiss Candy and I on the cheeks and lights up a cigarette herself....

We chat a bit.....April is cold....but putting on a brave face...

Soon a car comes, we push Candy forward....and she starts her night...

The girls do good.....fuck, I do good too! Although it's snowing there's guys that are eager to fuck us sluts on the street....

I chat to mum and Amber a bit, thanking her for her help the other night...

When the night finishes, Candy has done alright money wise, April? I don't really have to worry about that bitch.....that slag does good!

As I head home with Candy, April walks with Jen and Amber.....they always have a crazy drink and drug fueled lesbian threesome every Friday....

Candy asks how she is doing......she's worried.

I tell her that she's ok.....but more hard work to come....

Martika xx

So, last night I felt a little more composed about things....

First thing first, Mark's never seen me really in regular clothes before, only the 24/7 slut mode, or perhaps the odd wedding we've gone to...

So yesterday morning he was still saying that it '..blew his mind...' to have me dressed 'normally'! Y'see, understated DOES work sometimes!

So, the evening I had my hair up and wore a simple off shoulder black dress, a light makeup and less jewellery.....I certainly looked different...certainly FELT different!

Not sure if 'different' and me will make instant bed fellows but I'm game to try at the moment.....anything to keep my hubby, right?

Right!

So.....I acted charming.....and relaxed....

We went to have a meal out first; Mexican.....that was nice!

We laughed and joked and, y'know, it began to seem like we were just on a date together, that the 9 years had gone back.....we ENJOYED it,y'know?

Then we walked, arm in arm, over to the cinema and caught a late night showing of the new Oz movie....really good, I loved it! Mark nicked all my popcorn, mind, but it was a really lovely night....

Later, when we got in and sent the babysitter home?

We made love like we hadn't in years....love...lust....tenderness...and lots of smiles.....

I didn't sleep a wink..... Too busy staring at the man I love.....

:-)

Martika xx

I had a plan when I woke up yesterday morning, sending off Mark to work...

Sorting out the kids, April took them over to my mum's whilst I phoned up Amber to arrange to go out on a shopping assignment; to get me looking different!

So, I head over to Amber's place....get a big hug off of both Jen and Amber and Amber sorts out some clothes for me to wear to go out shopping..

Meanwhile she's rocking that body with her workout....can you believe she ordered me to shower and get rid of all that '....crap you put on your face...' ? Thanks Amber!

So, after a bite to eat, a protein shake and then shower and change, Amber set about my clothes and makeup....making me look a bit more regular....

Not sure about the makeup....never wore so little for ages! But the dress? Really nice....

So.....we hit the shops. The plan was that I should be more regular during everyday.....and my normal hooker look for work....

Amber certainly thinks that this is a good idea....

So.....a whole day hitting the shops, trying stuff on, taking it off, feeling so-so about stuff but buying it anyways.....

Amber was hard to please! Why the heck did I pick her to do this with?

Because she's young, quite trendy and thinks it'll work on my man! That's why!

So, armed with a handful of dresses - red and black ones - tops, skirts and jackets....I spent a fortune! A bloody fortune!

So, I treat her to lunch.....then get her to carry my bags home with me!

:-)

So, I get home, change into a nice pair of jeans (jeans? I've never wore any since I was 15!) and a top....subtle look...

So, sorting out the kids and Mark comes home and the first thing he says is

"Wow, you look different!" Before smiling and kissing me....

:-)

That's nice but he's still planning on going out with Emma...

Karen comes over, complete with mum, as she's babysitting as me and mum head off to start work....

She asks me about my day and what's been happening. I tell her I feel a little better, explaining about my shopping trip....

She's happy....

I'm relieved....right! Mind on work....

Martika xx

.....my mum.

Yesterday I went over to chat to mum....I kinda realised that I had lots of issues, from the past, that I wanted to talk through....

.....and what with mum being a counsellor too, well, it might just shed some light on my issues.....

So.....with some trepidation I went to see her, having asked her initially to read my last blog posting, just to get her up to speed on things....

Mum hugged me and kissed me at the door....

We sat and chatted....

Mum did apologise for leaving me with dad, all those years ago....she said it was out of her hands, that my dad took me away from her to start divorce proceedings....

That I can understand....

"Look, top trumps time, luv. Your big hero was Sue, my mum, right? You wanted to be like her, right? Heck, I wanted to be like her too!"

"So, Sue; early 50's when she died. She smoked 60 cigarettes every day, drank 2 litres of vodka a day....and a bottle of brandy too. Drugs? About 10 grams of coke every day, god knows how much smack. 5 ft 4", that was her life!"

"Look in finer detail; you ever seen her shake first thing in the morning? Because she's not had drink or drugs? You seen her throw up? You know she had lots of sexually transmitted diseases because she was too fucked up to use rubbers on her punters? You know that she's had lots of abortions? You know she never slept properly in her life?"

"Just look at you, girl; trying so hard to be like her! Me? Shit, I tried! Smoking? No? Drink? No, but I did my best on coke! And, y'know what? It fucked me up! It nearly tore my soul apart, no lie. And, of course, physically I was just so unhealthy."

"You? Just look at you today; all you need is a sign around your neck is 'I'm Available!'. Geez, why do you always dress like this?"

Ok.....true. I guess I like to look like a slag all the time. That's just me...

"But what about you? You dress like that too! Stop fuckin' having a go at me about the way that I dress!!" I angrily snapped back...

"Darlin', I've always dressed like this; this is me! I dressed like this from the time I was at school - I was THE slutty teenager! Ha! This is me, this is how I am. I'm comfortable in my own skin. You? I remember you as a jeans and t-shirts girl. You only dressed like this when you became a hooker.."

"You're really trying so hard to be like someone that died from her lifestyle, y'know? Sorry to upset you like that, babe, but facts are facts; Sue never had a proper relationship, did she? Went from one person to another.....never any long-term relationships. She was rubbish as a lover; nobody could cope with her lifestyle!"

"Now, look at you; you're married, been so for 9 years, had a great relationship. You have great kids, three of them. You're not her, you're YOU! So.....start being like you!"

We talked about other things too....private things.....but we left, both a bit tearful, both - I hope - feeling a bit better....

It put to bed some thoughts and feelings....left some others dangling....

Tonight, Mark and Emma are going out on a date....

Me? I'll be working but I'll be putting my life back in order....

Martika xx

Strange....

So, there I was in the back of a punter's car getting a good ol' banging when I had a brainwave....an epiphany....

I think I've never got over the fact that I felt abandoned by my mum....

Up to the age of 3 there was only me and her, then dad came into our lives....and then the divorce and splitting up when I was 5.....

And I've never forgiven her for that. That prostitution split up our family....that prostitution made mum keep away....

In some ways I am, I guess, trying to get my own back on her....being a heavier drinker and drugger......being more debauched and making her upset over the years....

Trying to hurt her.....

I mean, it's fucked right? Mum's been hooking for near on 30 years now; she does her thing, protects her mates, is friendly, and yes, I know 'cos I hear so much, that she's a damn good fuck....that comes with looking after yourself and your personality....

So I'm trying to fast-track to the top?

In other words.....stop trying so hard...

Mum told me, actually many times over the years, that I'm a normal girl around my dad....I always thought that that was me pretending and the hooker me was the 'real' me....now I'm wondering if it is indeed the other way around.....

So.....that's been on my mind all night.....

Martika xx

Well......*sigh*

I came home after working my corner last night and Mark was up. The kids were in bed. I felt really beat....ha! Emotionally I was just gone.....

He made me a drink and sat down a while, just friendly talking y'know? I felt him stare intently into my eyes. What were we talking about? Oh, just this and that....

We went to bed, as per usual with his hand on my bottom as he followed me up....

We lay in bed...we kissed....we cuddled....I told him I was sorry for about the millionth time....he just shushed me by putting a finger to my lips....we made love....really tenderly...and chatted...

I asked him about going out, just the two of us, on the Wednesday....would be nice to have a date night....enjoy ourselves etc.....like our earlier days....

His reply was that he was taking Emma out that night....

I nearly died inside......sure that tears were filling my eyes....I sniffed...and asked about Thursday....I felt his face smile - I was touching his cheek - and he agreed that was good....

Whilst he slept ok, I didn't sleep much; too much on my mind. Too many people's messages echoing through my head.....but I did get some.

Daytime came, I was awoken by the sound of a clinking of a cup of coffee that Mark had made for me and then the sound of the kid's door opening. Suzanne was crying but quickly stopped....Mark was sorting her out.....

I threw a robe on my naked body, grabbed the coffee and went to the kid's door....standing in the doorway like some sexy slut that's emotionally drained but trying her best to look enticing, I smiled at the interaction between Mark and Suzanne....

He was mostly dressed already. I helped him with his tie and made him some toast for breakfast....and,within 20 mins he was gone....kissing me goodbye though.....

The morning was a bit of a blur.....getting ready to take Miya to school and dropping her off.... Then back home.....

I lost count of how many hits of coke I did......or indeed cigarettes I smoked or coffee drank......

I decided on something. Look the best I can, get the kids over to mum's and have a chat with Emma.....

I cried buckets in the shower.....I felt alone.....helpless....vulnerable....

I was in there a long time....then I got myself ready....then the kids. I text mum, telling her I was coming over.....then, likewise, to Emma....

Mum greeted me at the door with a big hug.....we had a quick chat and I told her I was going over to Emma's.......

Emma is one of mum's very best friends, having had her under her wing when she very first started.....

Mum gave me a knowing glance and reminded me that she was there for me....

I know mum......and thanks.....

Deep breath before knocking on Emma's door....first thing first; I was not there to start a fight with her....no fighting....

Emma gave a half smile "Good because you'd kick my arse!"

She invited me in.......she look glam, as usual....well.....slut glam anyways. That's the thing about us, we both really went out of the way to look as slutty as possible even if we were on our own at home....

She made me a coffee, making one herself, and we settled down, both cradling lit cigarettes, and talked though things.....

"Babe, you know I really do love you. I do, I really do. You know I fancied Mark for absolute ages too.....before you and him got together, y'know? We're friends, or at least have been.....but I've also been mates with Mark too..."

She paused.... "An', before you say or think anything, Mark has not cheated on you with me before, ok? He's never, to my knowledge, ever cheated on you before. Like I said before, babe, he's a keeper...."

"Then why the fuck are you doing this to me? To us?" I ask angrily..

"Baby doll, it takes two to tango, know what I'm sayin'? It's not just me...."

"Look, Mark has had to deal with an awful lot of crap from you over the years.....and like I said, I had been there for you....but likewise I've been a shoulder for him to cry on too; I get everything....I hear the lot...and, y'know, he has really suffered...."

"Look at yourself; you're really wrapped up in yourself....all to do with your reputation. Ha! You are so wrapped up in being like your grandmother, lord rest her soul, and being like her....being so fuckin' bad asses that you just go full tilt on that, regardless of the effect on the rest of your family...."

"When you were getting pissed every day, how do you think that Mark felt over that? Having you with the kids....loaded all the time? He was shit scared! You? You jus thought it was so fuckin' cool! Well, as you've learned, it isn't! Stop being like your Sue, start being your own person!"

"I bet you've been hitting the coke hard today,eh? Well, I can't blame you with what happened....but you're just a real coke head!"

We argued, verbally, back and forward......

I told her that I hated her doing this, not showing respect to me.....not thinking about my family.....using Mark to score points....

"Look, luv, Mark adores you.....he really does. Me? He likes me. It's more than sexual for me. We're gonna date and see where it goes, but I warn you that I ain't stop....truth is that you own his heart, you just didn't realise or respect that. You have to show your worth to woo him back. Good luck, but I'm working on keeping him for myself! No more orgies or gangbangs...."

We agreed to disagree......I agreed not to kick her arse....

I went back home, picking up the kids.....

I have a lot of shit to wade though.....I need to be a better 'me'.....no pretence....no bullshit....just gotta be myself....find myself....and love myself....

Thanks for everyone's support....

Martika xx

Flashbacks.....

That's what I keep getting....what I keep having...

My mind wonders....skips even....from one moment to another..

All intense emotions....

I brought it on myself....

Flashback!

I'm starting to have an affair with my husband's old friend, Paul. I'm excited and in one part I am TOTALLY loving this....on another I am so doing wrong. But, my feelings in a more southerly direction dictate that I continue on the path that I am....


Flashback!

Summer just last year, I'm working the streets and have a lull between punters. My best mate Emma is free too....she's chewing her gum whilst I light up another cigarette...we shoot the shit...

"Y'know, your Mark is such a hottie....and a keeper!"

"Yep, he is!" I say smugly....

Emma's had a thing about Mark since we first got together....still, I got him, didn't I?


Flashback!

I've finished working the streets and I am home....the kids are asleep and Mark is inside me...fucking me....fucking me hard. I tell him about me and Paul fucking and I fuck him back....I use his emotions to get permission to continue to fuck Paul....which I do get...


Flashback!

I come home after finishing with Paul, after a pretty shitty time, come home and Miya, our daughter, telling me that daddy is crying...

That hurts....we talk....well, he talks and I listen....

"It'd be like me going and fucking around on you with Emma. How would you feel about that?"

"We'll, I would be shocked.....and devastated!" I answer....

We chat. I apologise profusely over what I have done, wanting to make amends on what I have done...wanting my man happy and have a great future together...

Flashback!

Early Saturday morning, after we all did great on the 'Red Nose Day' charity collection, making £4000 for the charity. Feeling good about that....all going back to mum 's house and having some food and drink....and, yes in some cases, drugs and watching movies and just shooting the shit...

The kids are in bed....we're all talking and smoking and laughing....

Then.....without warning.....Mark gets up....helps Emma up....and they go upstairs together...

Deathly silence....

Mum cuts the frost in the room by chatting....she's like that my mum....trying to take my mind off of things....

Mark has never done that before!

If people know anything about these parties then they'll know that sex DOES happen at times....usually Tim, Deb's hubby, wanting to shag someone....and sometimes from Amber wanting to fuck April or Emma....

But Mark? No, he's never cheated on me. I'm the cheater!

An hour or so later they come down stairs, Emma like the cat who got the cream....well...she did....

My heart sank....

The rest of the morning really really dragged. Going home, complete with kids, Mark and I had some stilted conversations....

We sorted out the kids, then we went to bed for an hour or two....we make love...he's inside me and telling me about Emma....he's banging me hard and telling me that Emma would stop her gang bangs if he and her got together.....

I'm too in the moment.....about ready to cum....

The bastard!

But I did the same to him, didn't I?

Flashback!

Last night, working my beat.... Emma's on the streets too....she's very happy. She offers me a cigarette and lights me up....I don't know what to think or do...I just accept.

We chat a bit.....

Things have changed.....

Sure, I work......I get laid.....but my heart's not in it....

Me and Mark fuck when I get back home....


I feel numb.....and heart broken.....

Martika xx

So, there I am, in all my finery....as per usual, there's no difference really between Martika during the daytime and Streetwalker Martika during the night time; I am as I am and I like to look sexy!

So.....not a bad day, weather wise, and I wear a lil light jacket and my puppies on display...the usual, like I said....

I'm out with Jasmin and Suzanne is in the pushchair, we're heading towards the school to pick up Miya. Again, nothing new there....I usually do....

So I come walking past these girls, must be early twenties if not a day. They're there to pick up their kids too, I guess. So I walk by, smiling , and I hear....

"Fuck! Who does that slag think she is?"

I'm annoyed....but keep composed....or...at least try to....

So we pick up Miya....I give her a hug and kiss, we have a little giggle, before we walk past these idiots again...

Miya points at the boy who's acting all shy now...

"That's Martin, he's nawty. He keeps saying rude things about you mum...I told him that you'd easy beat up his mum..."

I glare at the kid....then it's poor excuse for a mother....and snarl..

"Oh, easily darlin', easily...."

Before continuing on my way home....

I am angry today and this mum was inches away from me ripping her spine out....

Martika xx

Well, Tuesday was a really nice day....

The world could have gone to hell in a handcart and I wouldn't have really noticed...so in the moment...so....carefree....

So I got the bus over to meet my dad, Toni, and he gave me a great big hug and kiss, which were both reciprocated.....

We had a bite to eat, brunch, and then he drove us over to a couple of art galleries in both the east and west midlands....

Not only seeing the pictures as they are....in all their beauty...but dad was talking about form....techniques...perspectives....

In other words, I learned some new shit for my painting! Lol!

We had a bite out....funny that we both had salads....and chatted and chatted....

I showed him some pics of the kids....he complimented me on them....

We talked about life....me being sober.....family stuff.....Mark....the death of Sue....and how mum was.....

He was over the moon that her dream of having a child was coming to fruition....but...I know him; he has a great deal of love for Samantha....and I could see behind his eyes...the regret of not being able to have children with her....

We did a fair amount of window shopping....just checking stuff out - he's after a new sofa and a computer - and time just stripped back to my teenage years.....

We had a lovely Italian meal together in the evening before he drove me back home....and said those magic words....

"I'll see you tomorrow, my beautiful girl, ok?"

I nodded in agreement....another hug and kiss...then went indoors....

Everyone was fine....family life again...

:-)

Martika xx

Today is gonna be a pretty good day....I hope!

Pretty excited actually....

My dad, Toni, is going to be in the area, catching up with his old friends, for a good few days....he rang me up on Sunday and asked if I fancied spending the day with him....just us two....

Sounded good to me!

Although we write and phone each other a fair amount these days, I haven't seen him for a good couple of years....maybe more, actually.

So.....April is gonna be the childminder today....and I'm gonna spend some quality time with my dad.....

Bite to eat....check out some art exhibitions - he's an artist, and, as some people know, I love painting - and just hang out together.....

Last time, if memory serves me well, I think he was taken aback by just how much I was drinking.....think it really upset him....

This time? Well.....I don't drink no more.....

Yeah....can't wait......

I miss him!

:-)

Martika xx

Well....a tough couple of days for me....

If you read one of my recent stories I mentioned about my relationship with Paul, and that I had mentioned that to my husband - whilst we were having sex - and that he was fine with that....

Well.....I guess he wasn't....

The other day I was celebrating my 1 year sobriety and I was over at Paul's house. I had told Mark, my husband, who seemed fine....

Anyways....I went over and we were fucking each other hard and fast. Paul was turning me on when he was saying "C'mon slag, lay you bitch. Take all my cock...." and similar shit....

It IS a big them on for me....and I was cumming buckets!

At one point he was asking me...pushing me...to leave Mark....he really wouldn't take no for an answer....

...then....he was trying to goad me with alcohol....and that was upsetting.....

We had a bit of a row.....I told him to fuck off, putting on my mini skirt outside the front door before going home....

Mark was in the garden with the kids when I came back....they raced in to greet me....

Mark smiled and went back outside....

After a while, Miya tells me that Mark had been crying....

That was upsetting......I had not known Mark to cry at all....

I collered him later.....and, at first, he didn't want to talk....but.....I got it out of him....

There was a tonn of stuff on his mind....and off his chest....suffice to sat that I didn't realise that some stuff I did really REALLY upset him.....


So....we agreed to stuff....to sort out our marriage and his feelings....after all, what hurts my Mark hurts me, y'know?

So....we've decided on stuff....



No more Paul....he's trying to screw up Mark's life. He doesn't care about me....just wants to own me...to get one up on Mark....

Sure....he's a good fuck....but....shit, the alcohol thing? Very insensitive...and trying to pressure me into leaving Mark...

No orgies....more time together....

No dogging.....

Prostitution? Oh.....COME ON!! I'm never gonna give that one up....and Mark knows that hooking is so very dear to my heart....and he loves me hooking....the rest of it? Upsetting for him....

So....y'know....I love him....want our marriage to continue and get stronger....and don't want to hurt my man....

Sometimes I get given more than enough rope to hang myself....

....and that's what I nearly have done - AGAIN! - here!

Martika xx

It's December 30th, right? I.almost forgot....

A year ago today I stopped drinking!

As you may have read on my blogs from the past, I used to be a heavy drinker...I mean, like, SERIOUSLY heavy. Then, with a visit to my doctor over a back problem I had, I was found to be near death. Talk about shock! He told me that I would be dead before xmas 2011....

Well....that put paid to my drinking....let me tell you! I sobered up and also got pregnant with my 3rd child.....

All was going well....

Then....in November....my grandmother died, ironically from drink and drugs....

She was my hero....and I loved her so much....

The stress led to me drinking again, quite heavily, until my baby was born...thankfully pretty healthy....and then I continued on for the next few weeks just banging back as much vodka as I could take.....never straight....

....and on December.30th 2011 ,.early in the morning, I just felt I had enough....

And I've felt that way ever since!

:-)

Martika xx

Mum lets April make some more drinks for us all after her little fuck with Amber...she,also brings in some Indian snacks....

I chat quietly to mum as Amber is talking to Jen...and Mark is with the kids...Karen is asleep briefly....

Mum, she's happy that she's survived the day....she's cried a little, she says, before we came over....but she's beginning to relax....

She offers me a cigarette, which she also lights up as we chat about Karen and the pregnancy. She is so relieved that Karen and her got over the lil bump in the road earlier on in the year....and mum adores her more and more each day....

She says the baby and pregnancy is coming along great....just then Karen stirs.....I get up, give her a big hug and a huge kiss on the lips, thanking her for being my 'parent'....

We eat....we laugh....we drink....some of us drug too....and play more games with the kids...

Jenny decides that she wants to fuck April herself....so they both head upstairs for a couple of hours....

Meanwhile, we watch "The Hunger Games" on DVD.....one of mum's Fav books and one of her fav movies of the year....

I've not seen it....

I like....very different to what I thought....

Jenny comes down, complete with April just before the end....

I guess April is gonna remember this xmas for a loooonnnng time!

More drinking, smoking, drugs and fun whilst the kids sleep off their day...

It's been enjoyable...as Amber watches the "Dr Who" special....totally in rapture at it all...

A lovely time....

Martika xx

Well, it was time for lunch....

Amber had sorted out the starter, mum served as we all sat around the table...well, a few of us went off for a little 'powdering of our noses', if you know what I mean, but we all sat, ate...drank...wore party hats...pulled crackers...that kinda thing...

We got April to pour out the drinks, even though she was going a little cold turkey. Kinda cool...

We raised a toast towards Sue..which got Amber and mum a little tearful...and then tucked in..

Mum did the main course, nut roast, lovely roast potatoes, carrots, honey glazed parsnips, chestnut stuffing, mash potato, mushrooms and brussel sprouts....gorgeous!

A break between main courses and pudding ensures.....cue more drinks....

Amber, especially, was getting toasted.....

We have pudding, my tirimasu, and then retire to the living room....flicking on the tv, watching 'Top Of The Pops' , a UK music show, showing all the stuff from the year...

April serves everyone...we just chat and enjoy the company....I'm sitting on Mark's lap...gently kissing him....

"Right....presents time!" mum cries...the kids yell in appreciation....

Mum and Karen hand out the presents....

Mark got from me a parachute jump and aftershave and a new chain...from mum and Karen he gets some DVD's and cd's....from Amber and Jen he gets some new t-shirts and a great little watch....really snazzy!

Me? I get a hot air balloon ride, some makeup and painting easel from Mark....some tight, hooker-type tops from Amber and Jen, some boots and leather skirts from mum and Karen....

Really cute...

The girls get some lovely jewellery, toy dolls, clothing for them, some children's movie DVD's, including some Disney films....and some lovely clothes....and games...

We all play Monopoly for a while....Jenny wins, under protests from Karen....

Amber is getting way loaded now....she's hitting on April...Jenny is fine over it...

I tell April to take Amber upstairs and '....fuck the shit outta her..', so April takes her upstairs and....down an hour or so later comes April and a sheepish and bit more sober Amber....

She's missed the Dr Who Xmas Special, for which she is kicking herself....

She watches it later, on iPlayer as she gets sobered up...

Meanwhile the kids are jumping around....and playing with their dolls....

Karen get' April a glass of orange juice...

Mum asks April how her day was going....and complemented her on her style. April told her that I was getting her to not have any drink or drugs today, so she was a little edgy....

Still...fuck her, right?

After about 15 mins of chatting away, Amber and Jennifer arrived....coupled with oodles of presents....mum let them in....

Amber looked really great in her stylish green minidress...very hip and beautiful. Jenny was pretty much dressed like ne! Amazing! Lol!

Anyways, mum got drinks for both of them, brought in a couple of bottles of white wine to top people's drinks up....Amber was well into her second drink within a few mins...

She looked a little preoccupied....understandable I guess....

Jenny and I put the presents together, brought from all of us individually, but put into tbe collective piles for each individual...

So...Miya's was at the front, either side of that was Jasmin's and Suzanne's....then mum's...and Karen's and then....

.....ah....you get the picture....

The music was playing quietly....more xmas songs....

We were talking about various celebs....mum rolled her eyes to the heavens....Jenny smirked.....someone, I don't know who, said that one such celeb was '...just a slag..'

Then....imagine our shock when Miya took this time to actually say...

"I told my teacher that mummy was a slag", quite proudly....

Cue conversation stopper! Tumbleweeds passing.....

I blushed...Mark smiled at me....

The girls eat up greedily....makes me think that they've never been fed before. However I know different...

I smile to Mark....we KNOW the reason; they're eager to open their presents!

Naturally!!

Mark bends over to give me a kiss...then winks before telling the girls tbat they can ONLY open 1 present before the gang come over....

I light up a cigarette....

The girls look sad....like they're processing through the intimation....well, that is all except Suzanne...she's just happy and covered in scrambled egg!

They look at each other....and smile....

Mark gives them a small present each, a selection box of sweeties....

The girls are delighted!


I give Mark a present, a new tie and cufflinks set....just what he can wear to work. He smiles...and gives me a great big kiss...

"Fantastic hun! Just what I need...."

He passes over one to me.....a gorgeous set of gold earrings....

I feel an internal glow....how sweet....

For April, our pet whore, Mark presents her with some jewellery that we had got her - pendants, earrings and belly button set....she hugs us, between smoking her cigarette, delighted at being remembered, as she says....

We relax a bit....Miya sticks on some music.....festive, naturally, and excitedly looks at the lights on the tree, off and on they flash....off and on....whilst humming the tunes between mouthfuls of jelly beans....


I head up for a shower shortly after....washing my hair and then preparing to get ready for the day....April does the same....then, as I get out the kids get showered and changed...

I alternate between getting ready myself and getting them ready....

All 3 of them in matching pink dresses....cute! I put on a little bit of lipstick on Miya and Jasmin as I got ready....

Little red leather mini skirt....black knee high boots....fishnets....a black/red lacy bra...a white Bardot top....then on with my jewellery...my new earrings...nose stud....pendants...bracelets...rings....bit of makeup....ok...a LOT of makeup...

As usual, I'll light up a cigarette as I put on my makeup...it relaxes me...

The girls love looking at me as I put on my makeup....never know why....

Mark has his shower and gets himself ready for going over to my mum's

They're excited....Mark takes a big bag and puts all the presents from around the tree into it....easily filling it....then we fill another...and another....

As we make sure that we're ready to go, April is all tarted up in a tight black leather minidress and over knee boots....yeah....she does look like a slag!

So....with Mark taking one bag of presents, and Miya....and me and Jasmin with Suzanne...April carries the other two bags of presents the 10 minute walk to my mum's...oh...and quickly running back as we forgot the pudding!

We're greeted by Karen....in Santa's hat, and mum with some tinsle around her shoulders....

"MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS AND GALS!" they shout....and hug us, each in turn, as we come in....

....as Karen is talking to the rest of the crew, Samantha - my mum - is having a big long chat, and hug and kiss with me....

We're like sisters these days....

Then, after we've settled down....a coke for me, some juice for the kids, a beer for Mark and Samantha...and a white wine spritzer for Karen we make small talk...and just laugh and joke....

It's lovely....and relaxing....

Martika xx

I got up, chased and jumped on by Miya at about 7am....she was excited....I was still tired..Mark still snoring beside me...

"Mummy, mummy! Hurry up! Get up, get up! It's Christmas! Santa has been!" she says, struggling with her words in excitement...

Sure enough, as I wipe my mascara covered eyes, pull on a robe and get up, pulled by Miya downstairs, it seems Santa has had his glass of sherry and a couple of mince pies....oh...and the catfood that we laid down for Rudolph -because EVERYONE KNOWS that reindeers eat catfood! Lol! - that had gone too!

And....all those presents around the tree? My, he HAS been very busy....

I shout Mark down...I can hear other voices - Jasmin and Suzanne - and, after a brief spell, Mark comes downstairs, the rest of the brood in tow....

Jasmin is wide eyed...Suzanne is a lil sleepy still...Mark is very alert now...

He puts on his suprised face....suprised at all the presents...

We get some orange juice for the kids, which they greedily drink down, and Mark brings out two flutes of non-alcoholic white wine, which we toast ourselves....and our love for each other....


Mark fixes the breakfast....which is scrambled eggs with chives, that's what Suzanne has alone, the rest of us have that on some toasted croissants, plum tomatoes, a veggie sausage each, mushrooms and grated cheese on top....

Quite the breakfast....we always have this...

April joins us at this point...with a bad case of bed hair....having some breakfast herself and feeding Suzanne....

She makes some tea and we all sir down and relax whilst we eat....

A nice way to start xmas....

Martika xx

I'm still fucking Paul....have been for the last week or so.....

Today will be the first day that he won't be inside me....

....and......

Sexually.....

....I kinda......

Miss......

........him.....

:-(

Martika xx